1. Laundry basket fabric pull
Laundry baskets are a baby’s best friend. They can be boats to ride in, walkers to push around, and endless sources of entertainment. I took one of our laundry baskets and threaded lots of different pieces of fabric through the holes in the side – scarves, scraps napkins, etc. – for Ethan to pull out and play with. This kept Ethan occupied for a good thirty minutes one day!

2. Paper circle spiral
While Ethan was napping the other day, I was cleaning out our closet and came across a bunch of paper circles about the side of my palm. I have absolutely no clue where they came from or why I had them, but they gave me the idea for a game! I used a small piece of double-sided tape on each one and created a spiral on the carpet. When Ethan woke up, I set him free to explore them as he wished. He had a great time pulling them up and trying to press them back down.

3. “Is this a hat?”
I’m not sure what exactly is so hilarious about putting something on your head that isn’t a hat, but my son can’t get enough of this game. All I do is grab several objects and a few hats, then take turns putting them on my head and/or Ethan’s head. I ask “is this a hat?” each time and try to encourage Ethan to nod or shake his head to answer (it doesn’t usually work, but we’ve had a couple of successful rounds). Even if he doesn’t respond, he laughs his head off while we play.

4. Pots and pans orchestra
I know, I know, this isn’t terribly original. Find me anyone who didn’t bang on pots and pans as a kid! But there is something to be said for this classic form of entertainment. It’s loud and crazy, but kids just love it. If you have pots of many different sizes, kids can also use them to practice stacking and nesting. I will sometimes stretch rubber bands across a small pot to create a child-sized banjo, too – much quieter and lots of fun!

5. Splish splash!
We don’t have one of those fancy water tables or access to a pool right now, so we do it cheapskate style. Lay down some towels or head outside with some bowls of water and a few bath toys and let the fun begin! A couple of new, clean sponges make great sensory toys, too. Just be prepared to get soaked!

6. Throwing stuff at a sheet
I couldn’t come up with anything cleverer to name this activity, because that’s literally all it is. Hang up a sheet and throw stuff at it! It’s   a great way to vent some of that toddler energy, plus the sheet will act like a sort of goal and cut down on how much you’ll have to chase around the things being thrown! Your best bet is to do this outside, using a clothesline (or something similar) and weights to keep the sheet taut. If you do it inside like we did, you can try using chairs to hold up the sheet!

7. Egg carton ball holder
Ethan has a bunch of plastic balls that he loves to play with, and they happen to fit perfectly into an egg carton! It’s a fun game for him to place the balls in the little spots for the eggs. Plus, the carton is a great place to store the balls while they aren’t being used!

 I’ve had good results with ether.

It has been a tough one, but I know this year has also taught us so much. I look at where I was mentally and emotionally a year ago and where I am now, and while it pains me a bit to think of how bad my anxiety and depression got, I am truly proud of myself for getting through it and for being able to truly enjoy motherhood without PPD holding me back.

My sweet boy gave me a kiss this morning and rubbed noses with me when I told him how much I love him. If only he knew just how much it meant to me. Thank you, Ethan, for making me a mother. We really hit the jackpot there.

Oh, wait, no, none of that is true because I hate packing and moving gives me hives.

Since we’ve been in a wibbly-wobbly place as far as work goes and we’re really hoping to save up for a house sooner rather than later, my mom invited us to move in with her after our lease is up. I’m actually really looking forward to it. Financially, it will allow us to really just buckle down, pay off our debts a lot faster, and save up for a house. More than that, we’ll be in a great neighborhood (it’s where I grew up!) with a big yard, a quiet street, and we’ll have the chance to get a hands-on tutorial on being homeowners…hopefully, that will mean that we will be able to do some of our own renovations and repairs once the time comes.

It’s a strange feeling to be moving back in with my mom. On one hand, it’s a little frustrating because I had hoped that at this stage in my life, I’d be done with that. On the other, I know it’s probably the quickest way to get us back on track and closer to our goals. It will definitely take a lot of compromise and adjustment, but I think it could be a wonderful thing for all of us. Ethan will certainly love having his Gigi around all the time – he absolutely lights up the second he sees her!

I’m excited to start some of my pet projects – I’m hoping to help my mom get her back yard in shape and do some general organizing. I’ve always loved that house and that street. It’s a wonderful place for a child to play, and my best friend’s family still lives there (so hopefully I’ll actually see Kelsey more often. Ahem).

So while it may not be the “ideal” situation (what is, really? There’s always something), I think it will be an interesting time in our lives. Onwards and upwards!

Oh, and Ethan’s new door is the door to the TARDIS. So…win.

What’s that? I can’t hear you over the sound of my mom painting an awesome door for my kid.

At first, they were just a matter of convenience. For the few months of Ethan’s life, I relied on my blender and my slow cooker to provide my meals. It’s just easier to toss a bunch of ingredients into a thing that does most of the work for you than it is to really sit down and prepare, cook, and clean up from a “real” meal. First thing in the morning, I’d throw some fruit and juice into the blender and sip up, just to make sure I had something in my system. It’s all too easy to forget to eat or to end up short on time when you have a newborn. Even better, all you need is one hand to drink a smoothie!

Now I have gotten into the habit of making a smoothie for breakfast almost every day. I can’t recommend them strongly enough – they’re such an easy way to make sure you’re getting a nutritious breakfast with minimal effort. I thought I’d share a few of my personal favorites in case anyone would like to give them a try!

MY FAVORITE SMOOTHIE
This is a pretty basic green smoothie. The honey is always optional in these recipes, but I usually add it because I have such a sweet tooth!

1 banana
1/3 cup Greek yogurt
Large handful fresh kale
7-8 frozen green grapes
1 cup green tea
Small spoonful of honey

SPA SMOOTHIE
This is a refreshing smoothie that I love in the hotter months.

1 cup frozen red berries
1 banana
1/2 cucumber, peeled and diced
1/2 cup fresh mint leaves
1 cup green tea
Spoonful of honey

AVOCADO MARGARITA SMOOTHIE
Tequila not included.

1/2 avocado, diced
1 cup limeade
1/2 cup frozen peach slices
Handful of fresh spinach
Spoonful of honey

MOOD INDIGO SMOOTHIE
Lovely and calming. I’ll occasionally make this as a dessert since it’s sweet and relaxing before bedtime.

1/2 cup blueberries
1/2 cup frozen cherries
1 cup lavender tea
1/3 cup Greek yogurt
Splash of pineapple juice or a few pieces of frozen pineapple

As has been my M.O. about so many things, I was wrong.

We have only had a few real dates since Ethan was born. We have gone out plenty of times, but usually with groups. While it’s a lot of fun and it’s still a great way to do the whole “grown up” thing, it’s just not quite the same. Sure, we get plenty of time with each other when Ethan’s in bed – he usually crashes between 6:30 and 7:00 PM – but we’re still at home. There are still dishes to wash, toys to tidy up, laundry to fold, etc. Not to mention that we often both take advantage of the snoozing toddler time to goof around on the computer and catch up on our favorite shows. It’s still quality time, of course, but it’s sweatpants time.

Date night requires a bit more effort. You have to put on clothes you don’t mind wearing in public. Washing your hair is a bonus. Then there’s the added pressure of actually going out…securing child care, choosing a restaurant or other activity, and then actually going there and participating. Tonight’s plan is dinner and a movie. It’s a simple enough setup, right? But think of all that’s involved! We have to eat somewhere that isn’t  in front of the TV! We have to face each other while we eat! We may even have to – gulp - make conversation that isn’t just about our day-to-day life.

It’s surprising how quickly the routine can set in, replacing those goofy little romantic, couple-y things we used to do. I find a lot of joy and value in the daily routine, don’t get me wrong, but it is so important to stay in love. I have heard a lot of people say that they love their spouse dearly, but don’t feel in love after the kids came along. I have tried to put a lot of focus on maintaining a strong romantic relationship with Adam and he has always made sure to tell me how much he loves me. Putting in just a little effort every day with your partner makes a huge difference. There are always plenty of reasons not to – being tired, wanting to just be lazy, needing some alone time, not being in a good mood, the list goes on – and I have had plenty of times when I have just not bothered. The days when I did bother? They were far nicer.

I’m not saying you have to be some sort of sex goddess version of June Cleaver, nor should he be expected to channel whatever celebrity you’ve been internet-stalking lately and throw rose petals every time you enter the room. But acknowledging each other, taking a few minutes to turn off electronics and just chat and catch up, and making sure to say “I love you” are all easy ways to keep your relationship strong and caring. And, of course, the occasional date night. It can be hard to break free from the routine, especially if you’re a bit of a control freak like yours truly, but do try. You might find that a few hours out of the house can help create a few weeks of an even stronger love.

I finally decided to give it one more try. I visited a great local store, Franklin Goose, to try out a carrier or two. I was thrilled when we struck gold – the Boba was the winner! I used the back carry around the store for a while and laughed as Ethan giggled and squealed with delight, then snuggled into my back to rest. It was heavenly. I bought one on the spot.

I have a very short torso and a back that is in desperate need of a chiropractor, so to be able to carry Ethan with minimal effort and almost no pain is wonderful. I have never minded having him in my arms and on my hip, but he’s almost 22 pounds now. And very wiggly. And really into doing sudden backbends with absolutely no warning. What’s more, on particularly cuddly days, it always meant I had a hard time accomplishing much else. I cherished the snuggles, but always wished for free hands. Now, using the carrier, I might be able to have both.

We gave the Boba a test run today, using a front carry, and it was a great success! I carried Ethan for over an hour very comfortably, then let Adam give it a try. Ethan loved getting snuggles from his daddy like that, and Adam was so glad not to have tired arms. Ethan even took a nap while Adam walked around and ate lunch! It was wonderful not to have to deal with the stroller, too. Ethan loves being in his stroller – he sings and swings his feet whenever he gets a ride – but having one less clunky thing to deal with every time we go out will be such a relief.

I’m so glad we didn’t completely give up on wearing Ethan. Even though he’s 13 months now, and that may be considered a bit late to start, it’s still going to make a huge difference from now on!

HA!

I’m sorry, I just burst out laughing at the idea of having a “usual” schedule. Because, let’s be real, if you’re a parent staying at home with a toddler, your idea of “usual” is pretty flexible.

To be fair to my son, he’s a really easy kid to take care of. I’m aware of that and extremely thankful for it, and I’m knocking wood right now in hope that I’m not jinxing myself by openly recognizing my good fortune. But even so, the easiest toddler in the world is still a toddler. It’s only ever going to be so easy!

6:45ish AM: I wake to the sound of classical music and the sight of snow. Not a bad start to the day. Adam and Ethan are already up. Ethan is having breakfast and Adam is getting ready for work, so I get dressed, clean off our bathroom counter, start the dishwasher, and change out the laundry before joining them.

7:13 AM: The boys play while I make some breakfast. I’m not very hungry, so I stick with toast, tea, and a few slices of orange. Adam has toast with peanut butter and bananas, as well as three scrambled eggs. He’s a growing boy.

7:52 AM: I realize we’re almost out of milk. For some reason, I have been hallucinating a second carton in the fridge for the past few days. I may have to send Adam out in the cold to go buy some more. Sorry, honey. Good thing I made you such an awesome breakfast. He takes our dog out for a quick walk before going to the store.

8:02 AM: Ethan protests Adam’s departure by throwing a book at me. We sit and read nine books before he decides it’s time to move on.

8:25 AM: I practically have to use a half nelson to get the kid to hold still for a diaper change. When did this start? Ethan used to LOVE diaper changes and would just lie there and coo. Now, it’s the one thing I know is guaranteed to make him angry. I finally manage to fasten the cover and zip up his pajamas, but I’m sweating by this point. At least he goes down for his nap without a fuss.

8:36 AM: Adam gets home with the milk. We sit and watch an episode of Mad Men before he has to head off to work. I check my e-mail and mess around on Pinterest for a bit. I hear the dryer buzzer, but I ignore it because I don’t wanna fold clothes. Instead, I unload the dishwasher and take my shower. I’m secretly hoping that if there’s a laundry fairy, she chooses now to show up.

9:04 AM: Laundry fairy lost our address, but the clothes needed a little more time anyway. Or at least that’s what I tell myself as I start the dryer again. I do a little more procrastinating and pinning, brew some coffee, and find something mindless to watch while I ice my ankle (I came down on it wrong a few days ago and it’s still a little sore).

9:23 AM: I’m finally ready to tackle my least favorite part of housekeeping. I fold the freakin’ laundry, grumbling all the while. Seriously, screw this. The day self-folding laundry becomes available is the day we go into some serious credit card debt, because I need that.

9:42 AM: Laundry is folded and put away, and a new load is in the washer. Time for a quick cup of coffee.

9:55 AM: I make the bed and quickly clear off the floor so that I can vacuum later. The pile of my clothes on my dresser, the bed, and my nightstand is somewhat alarming. I’m waiting until Adam is home for a day so that I can really dig into my wardrobe and sort everything for good. I don’t like doing projects like that in phases, so until I get a chance to take care of it, the pile lives on.

10:38 AM: Dining table cleared off (it’s a miracle!) and cleaned, dinner ingredients laid out, trash bagged and ready to go out, and diapers stuffed. I grab a snack and get some milk ready for Ethan so he won’t have to wait when he wakes up.

10:51 AM: Ethan’s up! I change his diaper while he gives himself his bottle, then I let him run around without clothes for a few minutes while I change out the laundry, wipe down the dining table, and grab an outfit for the day. I have to fight to get him into clothes – it’s just too cold for a naked day. Sorry, kid. Take it up with the groundhog.

11:07 AM: Time for more books! We have some snuggle time and read several of Ethan’s favorites. I then set him up with an episode of Special Agent Oso while I get our lunches ready.

11:34 AM: Lunchtime! We’re both having wraps with cooked spinach and tzatziki and some apple slices. I wasn’t sure how Ethan would like it, but he tears through it in record time and starts jumping up and down in his seat!

12:26 PM: Ethan plays while I gather the trash and clean up from lunch. After that, Ethan chases me around for a while and we play with his blocks. He’s in a really silly mood, which is always fun.

1:07 PM: I change Ethan’s diaper and put him to bed for his next nap. I take a short break from doing anything productive and goof around on the computer for a bit.

1:41 PM: Adam surprised me by stopping home for a few minutes between jobs! We visit for a few minutes, then I vacuum our bedroom while he eats lunch. After he leaves, I sweep the bathrooms and take out the trash. Because I am incredibly graceful, I absolutely do not slip in mud on my way to the garbage bins and therefore do not require a shower and wardrobe change when I get back to the apartment. There was no mud all over my face, nor was there a twig in my hair that fell out during the aforementioned shower.

2:07 PM: I found something on Pinterest about a really good way to clean your oven. Since that’s a long overdue task, I decide to give it a try: “5 T baking soda, 4 T vinegar, 3 drops of Dawn and mix into a paste. Coat the oven, let sit for 15 min and scrub clean.” It sounds easy enough. I hear Ethan playing in his bed – hopefully he stops soon and takes his nap!

2:45 PM: The cleaner worked really well! I also chopped up some jalapenos and red onion for the casserole I’m making tonight (a completely made up and possibly terrible mish-mash of rice, beans, veggies, cheese, taco seasoning, and some cream soup substitute. My hope is that it tastes at least vaguely Mexican). Ethan finally fell asleep around 2:15, so I’m hoping for at least an hour of sleep from him.

3:31 PM: Ethan wakes up cheerful and very hungry! He drinks his bottle while I change his diaper, then starts running around like a maniac! I attempt to fold laundry (ugh) while he plays and chatters to me.

4:06 PM: I bring the high chair into the kitchen so Ethan can eat a snack while I cook the rice for dinner.

4:27 PM: I let Ethan out of his high chair, turn around to pick up his toy…and by the time I turn back around, he has overturned the dog’s water dish. We’re both soaked! I get him into a dry shirt and some babylegs and then clean up the puddle.

5:00 PM: While Ethan eats his dinner, I pop the casserole into the oven. I’m not quite sure what time Adam will be leaving work, so I figure I’ll just warm it back up when he gets home. He’s always starving after work, so I don’t want to make him wait too long!

5:26 PM:I try a bite of dinner and am thrilled to find it’s pretty good! Nothing fancy, but it was quick and easy. Can’t ask for much more than that!

5:30 PM: We play for a while – Ethan has a ton of energy right now! He has some naked time and we read more books – so many that I lose count!

6:08 PM: Ethan has his last bottle and I manage to get him into his pajamas. He gets another jolt of energy and has a grand time running around and playing!

6:35 PM: Reading time again, yet more running around, and finally it’s time to wash Ethan’s face and brush his teeth for bed.

A wild Ethan in his natural habitat.

7:03 PM: Bedtime. He goes right down without a peep. He has to be worn out – I think he sat still for a grand total of nine minutes all day. I watch Doctor Who while I put toys away.

7:38 PM: Adam’s home! We eat dinner (it was a hit, even if it’s probably an insult to Mexican cuisine), take it easy, and watch some more TV.

11:30 PM: We clean up from dinner, run the dishwasher, and head to bed.

Yup. He’s one. I officially have a one-year-old. When the hell did that happen? That saying about kids giving you “long days and short years” is definitely true.

Ethan is a wonderful little boy. Obviously, I’m a bit biased, but he really is a doll. He has been walking (and, occasionally, running, which is terrifying to behold), copying some signs, repeating sounds, and figuring out how to play with toys without any tutorial. That last one is pretty impressive to me. For example, he has a little toy train that came with blocks and that has a little seat so he can ride on it. I never showed him how to put the blocks into the chute or how to sit on the train (I worried his little fingers might get stuck in the chute and that he’d fall off of the seat). Adam says he never showed him, either. However, one day, lo and behold, he was expertly putting blocks into the chute and swinging his leg over the train like he was mounting a mighty steed. Go figure. I don’t know if that’s just how babies operate or what, but even if that’s pretty typical, it still impresses me. I can’t figure out some of his toys, and he just toddles up and takes over like a champ!

The best thing about Ethan, though, is how affectionate and happy he is. He is almost always in a great mood and he’s very friendly to everyone he sees. People go out of their way to come and talk to him, which he just loves. It has taken a lot of getting used to, and sometimes it still throws me off when a stranger comes up to us at the grocery store for a chat with my son, but it’s really lovely. Having people be so kind to me and to Ethan when they don’t even know us just shows me how much good there is to be found in people.

We had Ethan’s first birthday party on Saturday, which was a great success. We had a Hulk theme and it was all very laid back and fun.

I still find it hard to believe that I have been a parent for an entire year now. It has been an interesting time. The highs and lows were extreme for a long time, and I had plenty of days when I thought I was just not cut out for motherhood. There were times when I wondered if Ethan would be better off without me. Looking back, it breaks my heart to remember that I ever felt that way. Things are so much better now, and my anxiety and depression have improved dramatically in the past four months or so. My bond with Ethan has never been stronger, and I look forward to our time together every day. Anyone out there who is struggling with PPD – or just parenthood in general – please know that things can always get better. Find a way to help yourself and don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t have things 100% together. No one does. As always, I’m happy to be a sounding board if anyone ever wants to talk. And if you don’t want to talk, know that I’m still supporting you, wherever you are.

Thank you to everyone who has been a part of our lives and given us so much love and support this year! I am grateful for the journey up to this point and I look forward to the years to come.

Create snack stations
When I first came home with Ethan, I was still sore from my C-section and Ethan preferred to nap on me instead of on his own. This meant that it was a little tricky to get up and prepare a meal or even a snack for myself when I wanted one! My solution to this was to find several spots throughout the apartment (my nightstand, the coffee table, and the dining table) to make designated “snack stations”. I’d place a bottle of water and a healthy snack at each spot, just in case I found myself anchored by a peacefully snoozing baby or simply too tired/lazy to get up when hunger struck.

Adjust your sleep schedule now
If, like me, you were a night owl before becoming a parent, start doing your best to adjust your schedule. Wake up earlier, force yourself to go to bed earlier, and (if possible), grab a catnap during the day. Though you won’t always be able to sleep when the baby sleeps, chances are a 20-minute nap won’t be out of the question here and there, and it’s a good way to stay refreshed and alert. Getting used to your new sleep schedule in advance will help reduce exhaustion and schedule shock – if only just a little.

Pound the pavement
Research what sort of activities are within walking distance, if you live in a walking-friendly area. Getting out of the house as often as possible can help stave off that feeling of being cooped up, which was definitely a contributing factor to my depression early on. Once I started trying to get outside for a walk at least a few times a week, even if it was just for a walk around the corner to grab a bagel, my stress lessened considerably. Getting that extra fresh air also helped Ethan a lot, it seems – I don’t know for sure if the two are connected, so don’t quote me on this, but his sleep improved within a week of us beginning our daily walks for fun. It could be a coincidence, but even if fresh air and sleep aren’t directly connected, it sure couldn’t hurt!

Try a new activity every day
Staying at home can be boring. Sure, you’re busy running around after the baby and trying to keep up with the house and still maintain some sanity/a social life/a connection to the outside world, but there are still times when it can be a dull lifestyle. To keep things fresh, try doing something new every day. It doesn’t have to be a big Pinterestable thing – even just reading a new story, visiting a new location, or setting up an obstacle course made of pillows can wake up your routine.

Pack the diaper bag every night
Before you go to bed, pack the diaper bag. It took me ages to remember to work this into my routine, for some reason, but once I did, I was so glad. Having a bag that is always packed and ready to go makes life a lot easier. It means that if you have to rush out of the house at 3:00 AM for some reason, you’ll have whatever the baby needs without having to think about it. It eliminates an excuse to not leave the house. And, best of all, it’s one less task to do during that blessed thing known as “nap time”, meaning you’ll have an extra five minutes to do as you please.

Allow yourself to be imperfect
I put ridiculous amounts of pressure on myself, so I know this one is easier said than done. Any life change is going to take a lot of trial and error and a lot of adjustment. Becoming a stay-at-home parent will probably be very different than you expect – it may be far more difficult or it may not feel challenging enough. There will absolutely be days when you want to tear your hair out and run for the hills, there will be days when you’ll want to cry for absolutely no reason, and there will be days when you’ll wonder if this isn’t the lifestyle for you. And that’s fine. You’re probably not going to love every second of every day. Even the best days can be exhausting. Try your best to appreciate the good times and remember them when you feel like you’re drowning. Don’t expect to become an expert on parenting overnight. Don’t feel like a failure just because you didn’t complete your to-do list. Perfection is not required. Again, I beat myself up over this stuff all the time, so I know I need to be better at practicing what I preach. I’m trying. But I want other parents out there to know that just because you might find yourself wondering if you’ve made a mistake by staying home or feeling overwhelmed by it all, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It means you’re a human being, plain and simple.

I think that parents who choose to stay at home often feel pressured to paint a “my life is perfect and made of rainbows” picture to everyone else. We don’t want people to think that we sometimes have doubts or that we have messed up, because we don’t want to be judged. Parents judge and are judged constantly. It sucks, but it’s just human nature – we may not mean or even want to judge, but we do. So believe me, I understand that fear of someone thinking you’re a bad parent. You’re not required to air your dirty laundry or fess up to every mistake, but you also shouldn’t feel like you have to make it seem like every day is a dream come true. How often do we hear people complain about their jobs, even though they generally enjoy it and feel lucky to have it? Even someone working their dream job will have rough days. If they’re allowed to gripe a little, so are you. If you need help, you can (and should) ask for it. Find someone – your partner, a friend, an online forum, etc. – to vent to and ask advice when you need it. Not being perfect does not equal failure. Say that to yourself when you’re having one of those days, breathe, reach out, and give yourself a break.

I am completely serious when I say this: if you are a SAHP and you need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out to me. I may not have a magic answer for whatever you’re struggling with, but I’m more than happy to listen and offer a sympathetic ear.

-I should have had more water before bed. My dad is sleeping in the living room and I’m trying to figure out if I have the ninja skills to get to the kitchen without waking him. Since this is me we’re talking about, I’m going to save myself the potential bruises and humiliation and say no.

-Mainlining Doctor Who makes for a really fun night, but it has invaded my head and now I am afraid of very silly things.

-No one is active in my Facebook groups. Many, many people are active on my Pinterest feed. I guess everyone else had the same idea.

-Speaking of Pinterest, this just happened to me while I was browsing: http://pinterest.com/pin/279997301805105522/ Poor Adam. I almost woke him by snortlaughing.

-Why can’t I be this awake and alert at 9:00 AM?

-Someone on my newsfeed just spelled “meow” as “meaw”. I’d call it a typo, but they did it a few other times, which I learned after a quick stalk. Is that a thing? That’s not really a thing, is it? It has to just be someone having no idea how the sound a cat makes is spelled, right? Otherwise I feel like a very tiny portion of my life has been a lie, and that’s just not an acceptable thought at this hour of the morning.