I’ve been really lax about posting here lately! I got busy out of nowhere, then caught the plague, then Ethan turned one.
Yup. He’s one. I officially have a one-year-old. When the hell did that happen? That saying about kids giving you “long days and short years” is definitely true.
Ethan is a wonderful little boy. Obviously, I’m a bit biased, but he really is a doll. He has been walking (and, occasionally, running, which is terrifying to behold), copying some signs, repeating sounds, and figuring out how to play with toys without any tutorial. That last one is pretty impressive to me. For example, he has a little toy train that came with blocks and that has a little seat so he can ride on it. I never showed him how to put the blocks into the chute or how to sit on the train (I worried his little fingers might get stuck in the chute and that he’d fall off of the seat). Adam says he never showed him, either. However, one day, lo and behold, he was expertly putting blocks into the chute and swinging his leg over the train like he was mounting a mighty steed. Go figure. I don’t know if that’s just how babies operate or what, but even if that’s pretty typical, it still impresses me. I can’t figure out some of his toys, and he just toddles up and takes over like a champ!
The best thing about Ethan, though, is how affectionate and happy he is. He is almost always in a great mood and he’s very friendly to everyone he sees. People go out of their way to come and talk to him, which he just loves. It has taken a lot of getting used to, and sometimes it still throws me off when a stranger comes up to us at the grocery store for a chat with my son, but it’s really lovely. Having people be so kind to me and to Ethan when they don’t even know us just shows me how much good there is to be found in people.
We had Ethan’s first birthday party on Saturday, which was a great success. We had a Hulk theme and it was all very laid back and fun.
I still find it hard to believe that I have been a parent for an entire year now. It has been an interesting time. The highs and lows were extreme for a long time, and I had plenty of days when I thought I was just not cut out for motherhood. There were times when I wondered if Ethan would be better off without me. Looking back, it breaks my heart to remember that I ever felt that way. Things are so much better now, and my anxiety and depression have improved dramatically in the past four months or so. My bond with Ethan has never been stronger, and I look forward to our time together every day. Anyone out there who is struggling with PPD – or just parenthood in general – please know that things can always get better. Find a way to help yourself and don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t have things 100% together. No one does. As always, I’m happy to be a sounding board if anyone ever wants to talk. And if you don’t want to talk, know that I’m still supporting you, wherever you are.
Thank you to everyone who has been a part of our lives and given us so much love and support this year! I am grateful for the journey up to this point and I look forward to the years to come.