So much for September.

I’m totally starting my Big Fat Dumb Self-Indulgent Pinterest Project on July 1.

My decision to start it sooner rather than later is twofold. One, I’m excited. Two, if I don’t start now I’ll just keep pinning to infinity and beyond and that’s just overkill. So beginning in July, expect to see posts relating to my dorky project!

In Mommying news, I don’t know if Ethan is already teething or what. I just know that if he’s going to chew on something, I really need it to be a teething ring and not my fingers. It’s fine for a few minutes, but it really hurts after a while. He has Hulk jaws. He doesn’t seem to be in pain or anything, so I’m chalking up the drooling and chewing to it just being what happens at this age. And crossing my chomped-on fingers that we’re not teething just yet. Please, please, please, kid, slow down.

I’ve finally broken the baby weight plateau – I’m below 145 at last! It only took three months…

My anxiety  has been a lot better since Ethan started sleeping more. I still have a lot of moments of panic and I’m definitely not entirely out of the woods yet, but I do feel like I can probably get through this on my own. I’m feeling more  like myself now that my weight is getting closer to normal and I’m getting a little more rest, and that is making all the difference in the world. I think part of the issue was feeling like my body was not my own for so long. Pregnancy tends to do that for you, and I had no idea how frustrating recovery could be. Once the pain subsided, I felt so impatient to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I may never quite get there again, but as long as I’m close, I’ll be content.

And now I’m off to watch “Bridezillas” because I am classy like that.

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Sometimes, shutting up is your best option.

So a friend of mine had a baby seven months ago. She has lost 60 pounds since then (half of which is baby weight, the other half of which is just her being way more motivated than me). Recently, she was out shopping with her daughter. A stranger told her how cute the baby was (true) and then asked when the next one was coming. My friend was confused for a moment, wondering why a stranger was asking when she planned to conceive again. During this pause, the stranger asked, “Oh…are you not pregnant?”

Okay. I think it’s officially time we all agree to stop assuming that someone is pregnant. Unless they are bulging to burst, rubbing their belly, and wearing a t-shirt that says “It’s a [insert sex here]!”, just assume they need to do a few crunches and call it good.

But it didn’t stop there.

My friend said “No, I’m not pregnant. Just still in the process of losing the baby weight!” A lie, but a very kind one in which she gave the stranger an out and a chance to save face. Apparently that wasn’t going to happen, because the stranger then went on to say that she was surprised the baby weight wasn’t gone yet since the child looked to be six or seven months old. Good math, stranger, but you’re digging yourself an impressive hole. My friend said that then she just sort of shrugged and said “Yeah…takes a while. Okay, well, nice talking to you…” and tried to escape.

As she walked away, the stranger called out “Well, good luck losing all that baby weight!”

I’m really glad my friend has the ability to be all like

image

Because I would have been all like

And that is what happens when I discover the joys of gifs.

I promise I didn’t die.

I just went on vacation (!!) for a few days and then got lazy. Many apologies! I know you were all clinging desperately to the edges of your seats, just waiting for a post. I totally get it. I’m just so very famous that I forget the little people sometimes.

Anyway, our trip was a lot of fun! We went to the Outer Banks to visit my dad and stepmother for a long weekend. Basically, that translates to “I held Ethan exactly twice because Grandpa was relentlessly snuggly”. I was so glad to give them the time together – Dad had only gotten to see Ethan twice up to that point, so it meant a lot to me that I was able to give them four days to bond.

So, to sum up our trip:

We made a stop in Suffolk, VA to grab breakfast at a place called The Plaid Turnip. I saw the name and I just had to know. As it turns out, it’s a pretty standard diner menu – though easily some of the most delicious diner fare I’ve ever had – in a relaxed, groovy, artsy-cafe atmosphere. It was fantastic.

As soon as we arrived, my dad practically rugby-tackled me to get dibs on Ethan, he was so excited! E was starving, so Dad got to give him a bottle.

Adam and I immediately went to the beach for about an hour, but the wind was so high that the sand was actually hurting us! We headed back and settled in for a relaxed evening. Donna (my stepmom) broiled some steaks, we watched most of the fourth season of Mad Men, and my dad volunteered to take the night shift with Ethan. I still woke up at 3:00 AM and went to help anyway. Ah, well!

The next morning, we took Ethan for a walk on the beach for the first time. He loved it. How do I know he loved it? Because he was passed out for most of it! The ocean is the ultimate white noise machine. He also discovered that his hand is an excellent pacifier substitute.

Focus on the cute baby and ocean. I am well aware that my neck could have been the inspiration for The Blob.

 We spent a lot of time on my dad’s porch. The view is gorgeous, the temperature was fantastic, and Ethan loved all the sights and sounds.

Not a bad life when this is what you see every morning!

We were the morons who forgot the mattress for the Pack n’ Play, so Donna improvised with a fluffy down comforter. I was terrified and considered just co-sleeping for the weekend to avoid my son, you know, smothering himself in feathers. As it turned out, though, he loved it and slept like a log the whole time. We were able to mash it down enough to make it into a very safe mattress alternative, actually! I still checked on him obsessively because, you know…paranoid new mommy. But we let him play and enjoy it!

Pre-mashdown. The green thing is his “lovie”, which is a little soft blanket with a monster head on it. He is only without it when he’s swaddled – it really calms him down to grip something when he’s upset!

Our weekend consisted mainly of us going to the beach for a few hours at a time while Dad and Donna hung out with Ethan. We hit a couple local restaurants – Barefoot Bernie’s and Tortuga’s Lie, both really good and fun – and just took it easy. The weather wasn’t terribly hot, which was nice for soaking up a little sun, and even though the water was on the cold side, it was gorgeous and felt really nice and refreshing. I’m not one for swimming in the ocean because I’m not a strong swimmer and jellyfish scare the bejeezus out of me, but Adam is basically a fish. He had a blast.

On our last evening, we took Ethan to the beach since it was shaping up to be a lovely sunset. I wanted to get a few more pictures . I am a little in love with my camera (it’s a Nikon Coolpix – thanks, Aunt Gail!) because even though it’s a pretty standard point-and-shoot and I have absolutely no editing skills, I get shots like this:

Unexpectedly enough, Ethan really likes his sunglasses. To the point where he fussed if we took them off. He really is my child!

We dipped his little toes in the ocean for the first time…

…to which he strongly objected.

But he calmed down just a moment later and started to enjoy himself again. I took him out a little further so he could see and hear the ocean and so we could have a couple minutes of time together, just us.

And then it was time to go home…but not before getting a few more minutes of beach time with a proud grandfather.

It was a great trip. I know I needed it, and Adam definitely needed the break. We both felt really recharged and refreshed upon our return home. Good thing, too, because Adam had an audition the night of our return! We’re still waiting to hear back, but I’m crossing my fingers. He’d be great. No bias.

It was a bit of a bummer to come back to reality after a whole weekend free of worry, but I can’t emphasize enough how much it helped to have a break like that. It’s not that I’m working myself to the bone, and my anxiety has been improving immensely, but I still think it’s important to take a real break now and then (if it’s possible). We’re probably never going to be able to afford a legitimate week-long, just-parents, all-out vacation unless something extreme happens for us financially, but just that quick beach weekend with family did wonders for us. And honestly, that’s plenty for me. Sure, it would be nice to someday jet off to some exotic locale for a week and sip mai tais, but I’m happy with a beer on the beach a state away. For now, that’s more than enough.

On the upswing

It seems that I am finally getting to a point where I can honestly say that I feel better.

I have gone over a week without a meltdown. I have gotten close several times, but I was able to get myself in check before losing control. I’m positive that most of this has to do with the fact that Ethan is on a fairly regular schedule now, which allows some designated “me time” every day. Since Adam generally works nights, I’ve been allowing myself to rely on him a little more during the day so that I can take care of myself and the apartment – plus, this allows him more time with Ethan instead of me monopolizing baby time. There’s really no reason why I should take Ethan on every single errand if Adam is at home. And it’s so freaking cute. I love watching the two of them together.

Baby smiles are also helpful. Ethan has become a grinning machine. I used to sometimes think that he just didn’t like me, but when he gives me one of those dimply grins and wrinkles his little nose, I turn to mush and realize that he knows me and finds comfort in me. That has made a world of difference.

There’s something deviously brilliant about the way babies develop. They show up cute, sleepy, relatively quiet, and snuggly…which lulls you into a false sense of security for the whole day-night reversal, long screaming fits, etc. that appear a few weeks later. So just when you’re about to lose your mind from that, they start smiling and cooing…which is a warning sign that teething is on its way. Well played, tiny humans. Well played.

In other news, we’re going to the beach for a few days to visit my dad and generally take a break from actual life. I am hands-flappingly excited about the prospect of getting away for a bit. My dad and stepmother are planning to watch Ethan for a night, so we’re planning to have a date night. I have a feeling that I won’t have to do much mommying over the weekend…my dad is so thrilled to get to have some grandpa time. Is it totally Bad Mommy of me to be really looking forward to having a break like that?

Ah, well. If it is Bad Mommy, I’m sure the sangria I have in the fridge will make me feel better about it.