Category Archives: Baby

3/4 of the way there…

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Ethan is nine months old today.

Each month flies by faster than the last one. It’s true what they say about parenting being about long days and short years – here I am, still processing the fact that I have a child in the first place, and he’s 75% of the way to his first birthday.

He crawls! He stands! He has fangs!

I love how chubby his face looks here, especially since he's actually a pretty skinny kid.

I love how chubby his face looks here, especially since he’s actually a pretty skinny kid.

In the past couple of weeks, he has become so affectionate. He rests his head on my shoulder, gives hugs, bites my nose (I’m just assuming it’s out of love), and holds hands. When Adam or my mom walk through the door, he starts bouncing up and down and immediately stops whatever he’s doing to crawl over and babble to them. I love seeing this side of his personality blossom. He is so friendly to everyone he sees and always has a smile to give.

I love going out with him. It was hard for a while there – once he was out of the newborn fog but was still too small to really enjoy outings, it was difficult for me to justify a quick jaunt to the library or the mall. Now that he is so much more interactive, it is a lot of fun to watch him experience new places. We went to Williamsburg today to have lunch with some friends, where he got to see a farmer’s market, lots of cute dogs, a small army band, horses, and (best of all) a restaurant with lots of things for him to munch on. I have learned that if you want to eat the pickle that comes with your sandwich, make sure Ethan doesn’t see it.

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The result of letting him see it.

After lunch, we visited with Ethan’s little “girlfriend”, Adele, and let the babies play for a while. They have started taking turns with their babbling and making each other laugh! It’s sweet to see how their interactions have changed since they were newborns.

That whole sappy thing about how children make you see things differently really is true. We take a lot of things for granted – it’s just part of life – but things as simple as Christmas lights or geese in the yard or a particularly soft blanket can absolutely amaze a baby. It’s fun to see how beautiful and interesting the smallest things are to Ethan, and I am starting to notice more and more details about the world around me. I know it may sound silly, but that, more than anything else, has made a huge difference in how I handle my anxiety. I have noticed a huge drop in anxiousness since Ethan started to be mobile and more interactive – I think it may be because I feel more “rewarded” in my parenting now. When I take Ethan somewhere fun and see the joy in his eyes and grin on his face, I can’t help but feel the same way.

Happy nine months, sweet baby boy. It gets better every day!

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5:28 AM

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That is what time I got up for the day. Not because I wanted to. Not because I had to. Not because I am still sick.

Because my crazy mommy brain made me do it.

I know I’m not alone in being frustrated when I wake earlier than I’m meant to. Once, in high school, I actually cried when I woke up at 6:00 and it wasn’t a school day. In my defense, it’s a little ridiculous to expect teenagers to do anything at 7:20 AM, least of all discuss anything written by Thomas Hardy. I love sleeping. I used to schedule my classes in college so that I could have a block of time dedicated to napping if it was needed. There are few things nicer than waking after a nice, long, much-needed nap.

In the past couple of years, I made a sudden and unexpected switch to being a morning person. It quite literally happened overnight – I went from being perfectly content and able to sleep until noon on days off to considering 8:30 “sleeping in”. I really have no explanation as to why or how it happened. If anyone out there can shed some light on how someone who used to be more or less nocturnal can become one of those people who does “good morning yoga”, please educate me.

Even with my new-found ability to be able to function as a human being before lunchtime, I knew going into parenting that the sleep deprivation would be tough. I am fortunate that I have spent much of my life on an actor’s schedule and therefore have the ability to run on very little consistent sleep, but even a brutal tech week at a summer rep theatre can’t compare to the exhaustion that comes with having a baby. I had a vague idea of what to expect, and I consider myself lucky that it wasn’t a total shock to the system, but it’s still not easy. If I’m in a play, my sleep may be interrupted and rearranged for a few weeks, maybe a month. With a child, we’re rounding on nine months, plus all the weird pregnancy sleep that came before it.

If you become a mom, you’ll spend a lot of time yawning and drinking too much coffee. That’s just part of the package and it shouldn’t be news. What may come as a surprise is how often you’ll do that crazy thing where you wake up for no reason. Your body will wake you up at 3:00 AM for a feeding that was dropped weeks before. You’ll hallucinate. Frequently. Hear that baby crying? No you don’t, that’s just your brain playing a fun prank.

So, while it was nice to have a couple of hours entirely to myself, in an apartment that was blissfully quiet, watching the gray sky light up with the sunrise…it did make me wonder if I’ll ever sleep normally again. Is there a Sleepeasy solution for moms?

Six things that blow Ethan’s mind (that I also think are cool)

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1. The opening credits to the American version of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. I happened to be watching the video on YouTube the other day. When I looked at Ethan, I realized he could see the screen…and he was hypnotized.

2. Spaghetti noodles. Toys you can eat! And they’re wriggly! And you can loop them around your hands and pretend to be eating your hands!

3. The lights on the ceiling at Yapple. Let’s just say you shouldn’t go there on drugs of any sort.

4. The way the carpet feels after it has been thoroughly vacuumed. Sooooo fluffyyyyy…

5. Our neighbor’s clothesline with its perpetual quilts. I didn’t know we were allowed to have clotheslines in the first place, and I didn’t know anyone was allowed to have that many quilts without the people from Hoarders being called.

6. Candlelight. He could seriously stare at a candle for hours (and smile at it, and talk to it, and wave to it).

Happy eight months, Ethan!

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My sweet baby boy, you are eight months old today. You’re sitting up on your own, you’re crawling (in a Vietnam flashback sort of way, but it counts), you’re eating big boy food, you’re standing sometimes, and you’re learning all sorts of new sounds. Watching you grow so quickly is an amazing, beautiful thing. It is also a little bit sad.

It’s hard for parents to watch their children grow. While we are so excited to see you develop and learn, and while we are so proud of every milestone you reach, there is something bittersweet about it. Time has sped up. It is ten times faster than I ever thought it could be. This has been the loveliest time of my life, getting to know you and being so incredibly blessed to have you as a son.

Tonight, when I put you to bed, you cried. I reached out to give you your pacifier, and before I could move my hand back, you grabbed onto it. We held hands for ten whole minutes, looking into each other’s eyes, until you drifted off to sleep. I just want to thank you for those ten minutes. In the grand scheme of things, it was barely a second. To me, it was infinite, because I will never forget it. I will never forget a moment that we have shared. All of these moments will live in my heart forever.

I love you, Ethan. Thank you for choosing me.

Whoops. I forgot about Halloween.

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So, Halloween happened.

It’s a little weird when you have an infant. Obviously, I’m not going to give him any candy, so taking him Trick or Treating seems a little selfish. But I did want to show off his costume (we went ahead and did the “Boardwalk Empire” thing). But I had a performance in the evening, so I couldn’t actually take him door-to-door. We ended up getting him all dressed up, taking a few pictures, then going out to lunch and to visit my mom while she was working. We got decent mileage out of his costume, lack of going door-to-door considered.

So, without any further ado, here are pictures of Baby Nucky Thompson:

He was not thrilled when he realized there was no milk in the bottles.

Absolutely dripping with sap

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I am. I can’t help it. I am the sappiest freakin’ person in the world when I have cause to be. And dear goodness, I have lots and lots of cause right now.

Ethan still isn’t back to sleeping through the night. We’re still exhausted from trying to get him to a place of reasonable rest. He’s still a good napper, but we’re just so worn out from our restless nights. However, he has been more than making up for this in the daytime. For the past few days, he has been the most joyful, sweet, snuggly baby you can imagine. He has been cooing and laughing constantly. He even took a nap on me today for the first time in months. I was in Mommy Heaven.

 

I don’t know exactly what has brought about this behavior. It’s not that he isn’t a generally happy boy – he is. The majority of his time is spent either happy or just chilled out. But he usually has his meltdowns, or at least his normal crying, like any other baby. I usually know that his naps are over because I hear him cry. He usually signals that he’s wet by fussing. I’ve gotten used to hearing him freak right the hell out when I leave his sight, which has been his habit for the last few weeks. But this week, he’s like a completely new baby. He’s like one of those TV babies who never cries because they have another one on standby. Only I keep missing when the switch-off happens. The other day, I put him down for a nap at about 9:00. At 10:45, I thought he was still sleeping. I went in to check on him and he was just hanging out, cooing and laughing at nothing in particular. He looked over at me, grinned, and crawled to the side of the crib so I could pick him up.

Um. Okay. This is new. Usually he cries and it takes him a while to wake up enough to be anything but grumpy. I don’t know where he got that from.

It probably has to do with the fact that his bottom teeth finally cut through. He cut them like a champ, without any overly painful meltdowns or swollen gums, but he was pretty cranky and restless for a couple of weeks. It was rough. But then it ended overnight and completely threw me off.

Whatever the reason for this insanely fun, angelic behavior he has been exhibiting this week, and even though it may not last much longer (those top teeth are comin’, y’all…), it has been the most amazing thing for me to experience. I’m finally feeling more like myself in so many ways – emotionally, physically, and intellectually – and to have Ethan’s  mood be so ridiculously good lately on top of it? The cherry on top of a Screw You, PPA Sundae.

What’s more, I finally feel like I really know what I’m doing, parenting-wise. I was never a clueless mother. I have cared for plenty of babies and several newborns in my time as a babysitter and nanny. I have cared for all types of personalities. I knew, generally, what to expect going into it. I had warning. I knew some tricks. I was pretty good at interpreting cries and figuring out his schedule. Even so, I think it’s every new mother’s rite of passage to feel like an idiot at least six times a day. I’ve gotten a blessed break from feeling that way for the past few days. I’ve been able to relax.

I’ve really, truly, deeply, on every single level, gotten to just be calm and enjoy being a mother to my son. I’ve let the apartment get messy. I didn’t cook much. I’m pretty sure my library book is overdue. But I don’t care. I didn’t really feel the need to take a break from Ethan – usually I need at least a few minutes a day, just to recharge and refocus. I was having too much fun to do that. I also feel so rewarded. It’s not that I don’t feel rewarded most days, because I do…it’s just that this week has been the type of parent-child interaction that I literally dreamed of when I was pregnant. It has been nearly flawless. Even his grumpy moments have been far more cute than frustrating. It’s like it was scripted to be the nearest thing to perfect it can be.

Again, I know it may be fleeting. Tomorrow, he may wake up and be a crankasaurusrex. But tonight, I’m going to bed content and proud.

Just the facts

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Lazy post! Whoo!

-Ethan has started making this absolutely insane grumpy face. I know I should sympathize when he gets mad enough to make it, but it just cracks me up. The accompanying “angry breathing” doesn’t make it any less hilarious:

 

-I have become addicted to Sims Medieval. I don’t really know why. It’s not that great. But it entertains me and it’s not Marvel: Avengers Alliance, so that’s good. I need to branch out.

-You know how I nicknamed my kid “Tomato” when he was in the womb? We’re bringing it back.

 

-I baked something (apple crisp) without using any sort of recipe. For the first time. It turned out awesome. I’ll be accepting that contract any time now, Food Network.

-”Six Feet Under” gets better after watching it a second time. This show is beautiful. The opening credits alone are worth watching over and over again.

-I moved the broken dresser out of Ethan’s room today. The room looks huge now. I mourn for that dresser – it’s twice my age.

-I love coconut water.

-NaNoWriMo is happening soon. I’m completely unprepared.

-Natural November is also happening soon (funny how that works). I’m slightly more prepared but inexplicably craving Five Guys.

-Wine.

Staying in the picture

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I recently read Allison Tate’s tearjerker of an article, “The Mom Stays in the Picture”. Like so many other women, it made me think. I have lots of pictures with my mom as I was growing up. Though she was usually the one behind the camera (not much has changed!), off the top of my head, I can think of at least five or six great photos of the two of us together. There are many more not-so-great ones. That’s more than a lot of people have. I know how much I love looking back at those photos. They remind me of the great times I had throughout my life, enjoying time with my mother. It’s also fun to see how she looked – always so pretty and so proud.

She might disagree. Knowing her, she would look at some of those photos and say that her hair looked terrible or she looked washed out. I don’t see it. I just see my mom, who I love no matter how photogenic she is. I look at those pictures and all I see is love and good memories.

I want Ethan to have that. I have lots of pictures of us together, but I am still selective about which ones I share. I have several pictures of him that I think are beautiful, but that I felt ashamed of because of my appearance. But after reading Tat’s article, I have changed my mind. Who cares if my face looks fat on camera? Who cares if I have rolls? It’s no secret that I had a baby seven months ago. It takes time to lose that weight, if it ever totally comes off. So my skin doesn’t look fantastic – I doubt my son will judge me in the future for not slapping on some foundation in the morning.

So, despite how awful I think I look, here are some of the photos where I stayed in the picture!

And, for a bonus, a video I took today. I look horrible, but I was having so much fun with my little boy that I couldn’t help capturing our playtime!

And yes, that is Ethan giving me a “kiss” at the end, just like you can see in the picture above! He has started doing this more and more frequently. I’m not sure if it’s just a coincidence, but I am sure that I don’t care. It’s adorable.

Drama Llama, also Mama

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Being in plays is fun. It’s also a big commitment. You have to be available for at least a couple hours at least 4-5 days a week. Depending on the show, this could be for up to 4-6 weeks. And then there’s the actual run. Some shows only go for a couple of weekends. Some run for months. There are two-show days, Sunday matinees, school performances, and your standard 8:00 performances. Where we live, it is often for low or no pay, unless you’re union. I’m not union. so when I say we’re doing it for the art, I’m serious.

Theatre has been my “thing” since I was in kindergarten. I have been studying, writing, working backstage, and performing since that age with few extended breaks. Even when I was pregnant, I was participating in staged readings and other projects. Since Ethan came along, however, it has been difficult for us to work on anything. Figuring out work and childcare isn’t easy. Trying to make sure that it’s “fair” – that one parent isn’t getting to do all sorts of projects and the other can’t even audition – is also frustrating.

On the one hand, I’m not really interested in committing to a full production for at least a few more months. While we’re in the middle of teething and trying to get Ethan to sleep through the night, it would just be too much to take on. Adam feels the same way. I am currently in a short play (a recreation of a seance from the 1880s in which I am playing a “spirit guide” – also known as a fraud!) and it has been a bit hectic trying to figure out how I can get to rehearsals. Adam’s schedule allows him to stay home for a couple of the evenings, but not all of them. My brothers-in-law can help for a couple of other nights. Two different friends offered to babysit. My mom might be able to take one or two. Without one usual babysitter or Adam consistently home at a reasonable hour, it is quite the headache to figure all of this out!

Even so, I’m so glad I get to participate in this show. It has been a long time since I have done any projects that require an actual rehearsal schedule – the last time was in September of 2011! It’s nice to be in a “real” show. I just hope it isn’t going to come at the cost of Ethan’s rest and well-being. He really thrives on routine, and I worry about the disruption. We’ll have to wait and see how all this pans out.