Why do you spit our your pacifier if you know it will freak you out and make you scream? You’re perfectly capable of holding it, even in your sleep. What is that about? Is it a power thing?
Do you have some sort of sixth sense that connects directly to my attempts to fall asleep? Because I had just gotten into bed when you pooped a mountain. Is there a reason that couldn’t have happened when I was already up?
I just assume you’re aware of how cute your dimples are and the power you can wield with your little grins, so all I need to know is: do you plan to use that power for good or evil?
I’m pretty sure you stop crying as soon as Daddy holds you so that you can trick him into thinking he’s a baby whisperer. How close am I to the truth?
I smell pee. But I do not see pee. Did you pee or am I hallucinating?
How can you sleep in the utter chaos that is Cartwheels and Coffee, and how can I learn to do the same?
Why is there a kid wearing what looks like a bulletproof vest on the playground? I don’t actually expect you to know the answer to that one, I’m just curious.