Why do you spit our your pacifier if you know it will freak you out and make you scream? You’re perfectly capable of holding it, even in your sleep. What is that about? Is it a power thing?
Do you have some sort of sixth sense that connects directly to my attempts to fall asleep? Because I had just gotten into bed when you pooped a mountain. Is there a reason that couldn’t have happened when I was already up?
I just assume you’re aware of how cute your dimples are and the power you can wield with your little grins, so all I need to know is: do you plan to use that power for good or evil?
I’m pretty sure you stop crying as soon as Daddy holds you so that you can trick him into thinking he’s a baby whisperer. How close am I to the truth?
I smell pee. But I do not see pee. Did you pee or am I hallucinating?
How can you sleep in the utter chaos that is Cartwheels and Coffee, and how can I learn to do the same?
Why is there a kid wearing what looks like a bulletproof vest on the playground? I don’t actually expect you to know the answer to that one, I’m just curious.
I think that at one point or another, we have all had this imaginary conversation with our kids. Now that my daughter is older, I have this conversation with the dogs. Especially the “I smell pee but I can’t find where you peed so freaking tell me right now where you did it” …
That is my dog. To a T. He’s usually SO good about being housebroken (which is great since we found him and he could have arrived in any unknown condition…we lucked out), but I swear…if we are ten minutes late getting him out, he finds the most mysterious possible place to pee.
And I’m like, “you jerk.”
If you dont have one, when you can afford one, anyone with pets I would recommend the spotbot by bissel. Its a little steamcleaner that is great for little messes (even ones that aren’t created by pets.) I had a cat that had some issues and would leave me ‘presents’ even though I was scooping the litter box 3-4 times a DAY! It has a little brush, you put it on the spot turn it on and boom! it can sit there an scrub while you do something else! I miss my spot bot! My mom has it, didn’t make it in the car, though I wish it had. My Momo has allergies and gets frequent hair balls, which arent so bad if you get them when they are fresh, but then they sit and fester when you are at work, its gross! And contrary to popular belief, hair balls aren’t usually actually balls, they kinda look like vomit cat turds. yeah…on that note…
I will look into that…Percy just loves to surprise us!
I laughed out loud reading your post. I seriously have all the respect in the world for mothers–like, some of the stories my friends tell me make me TERRIFIED to have children.
Oh man. And thanks for checking out the blog! J.Crew is SO DARN FRUSTRATING!!!! It’s like…they just taunt you from afar with cashmere and puppies, but they price it JUST out of your price range. Sigh.
GOMI is pretty awesome too. Although, real talk, if anyone ever said anything mean about me, I would probably obsess about it and then call the Italian half of my family to TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS (if you know what I mean).
xoxo
I know what you mean. It can be hard to take criticism. I struggle with it a lot. I’m trying to get better about separating constructive criticism from snark (it can be hard) and find ways to improve myself and my blogging by what is said on GOMI.
And yeah. J. Crew is ridiculous. Cute stuff that costs way too much. There was this coat I coveted when I worked there, but I would have had to sell a kidney on the black market to get it.